Feeling Hopeful

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. – Albert Einstein

Two days ago, I read a story on Yahoo News which really depressed me. The article detailed how the Florida Department of Environmental Protection was told not to use the phrase “climate change,” in any official communication. How very Orwellian of them. The story made me sad that despite all the evidence to the contrary, people continue to stick their heads in the sand believing nothing is happening to our climate. That humans are not affecting our climate. So, no change is necessary.

So, imagine my delight on attending the Marin School of Environmental Leadership’s Business Leaders Breakfast this morning and hearing not only the words “climate change,” but thoughtful discussion on the topic.

This gathering gave me hope that there is real change afoot. The next generation is aware and already fighting to save our place on the planet. It’s inspirational to meet young people who embody the injunction to “not stop questioning.” It was also delightful to see local business leaders embrace this program and offer the students support and opportunity to follow their dreams of environmental leadership.
This program is a way for the entire community to come together to support environmental stewardship and change. I feel so grateful that I live in a city, San Rafael, where such possibilities exist. Check out MarinSEL for yourself. It may help you feel more hopeful about the future.

-Georgie Craig

It’s Never Too Late For Now

“<strong>Yesterday’s dreams are gone, but today I’m singing this song.” Pete Hornberger, Frank Rossitano, 30 Rock,

It’s been a long while since I’ve blogged. My life became intense, transitory, slimed, sticky, and overwhelming. So, I chose not to write. I chose instead to be with my family, to read, to travel, to work, to do magic, to act, and finally to cry. My mother died recently and reminded me that life is finite, transitory, uncertain. When I scattered her ashes into Humboldt Bay, I remembered a line from Shakespeare’s “The Tempest.” when Prospero releases that wonderful spirit Ariel to the elements. “Be Free,” Prospero says. That’s what I’m seeking after my mom’s recent death.

Now to uplift the mood, one of my favorite sitcom songs is “It’s never too late for now,” from “30 Rock.” In that spirit, I decided to accept an unexpected invitation to facilitate a group studying “The Artist’s Way,” by Julia Cameron. The class runs from December 1 to December 15 at the O’Hanlon Center for the Arts in Mill Valley. I’d read this book and unleashed a torrent of creativity a few year’s back, but then I turned my back on the tools and that part of my creative self. Now, with this unexpected invitation, I have a chance to reclaim that part of myself, again. Perhaps this time on a deeper level.

We’ll see. I am trying to embrace the “Now,” and not worry about the outcome. I will plan this class using Ms. Cameron’s guidelines and embrace whatever outcome occurs. And always in the back of my mind my theme song will be playing: “It’s Never Too Late For Now!”

Past Imperfect

If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy. Kristin Chenoweth

Right now I’m thinking about the past. Perhaps it’s because this time of year invokes my family. It’s Halloween time, and I remember traipsing around my neighborhood seeking candy in a sheet with poorly cut out eye holes.

I remember the terror of Halloween parades in grade school. My costumes were never up to snuff. But what I remember most is the feeling that I was always doing ot wrong. A feeling I carry to this day.

Even as I write this post, the inner critic is telling me to stop. But I’m not going to stop. I’m going to post this. If anyone read it great. If not, that’s OK too! For me, the act of writing is defiance enough.

As the year dies, I am recommitting to doing things I’m afraid of doing, such as writing this blog post, writing my screenplay, just writing. I am afraid that you the reader will judge me harshly. But so what? Why do I believe that the sun won’t rise if I do something wrong?

I trace it back to first grade and the nuns at St. Paschal Baylon School. I was raised Roman Catholic. I sat in a confessional at the age of 7, confessing to things I made up just to have something to say. So, I guess even then I was a spoken word performer.

One day, I took a sticker book depicting Jesus and the shepherds from the church foyer. I was with my best friend. We said we’d never tell. Why I thought I could get away with it, I’ll never know. I guess I figured no one had seen us. I also figured that she would keep her promise, for it had been her idea to steal it. I was so desperate for a friend at this new school, I went along.

Well, the nuns soon cracked down. Asking every class did they know who stole the book. I figured no one knew it was me. That is until I was taken out into the hallway and yelled at by a nun who seemed so tall that she reached the hall ceiling.

I don’t even remember what she said, other than I was a horrible child who could never be trusted. That God was disappointed in me. And I should never lie again. Also, who helped me steal the book?

I never told. It took me years of therapy to realize my “friend” turned me in. For she wasn’t my friend after that. No one was. What the nun’s chewing out had done was alienate everyone from me. I had no friends from that day forward.

I lost a fun childhood. I lost friends, but what I gained was independence and a reliance on books. They became my best friends. And though I carry this feeling of being flawed, I am working toward accepting it. I’m working towards making it a strength.

So, today as I write this, I realize that even the darkest times will lead to unknown treasures. I just need to take it a day at a time.

I just need to sit down in the chair and write.

Writing despite Sister Patricia – Georgie

The Path of Procrastination

“By the streets of “by and by,” one arrives at the house of ‘never.’ “ Miguel De Cervantes

I hate to miss out on things. When I was working at the San Francisco Chronicle as a copy-editor and freelance writer, I saw a bunch of reporters talking. I’m sure it had nothing to do with me. But I had to find out what they were saying. I just hate to miss out on things. Sam Zuckerman, then the banking reporter now a speechwriter for the Federal Reserve, noticed me listening to their conversation.

He smiled at me and said something like, I’m paraphrasing, “You would rather know and then be bothered by something, than not know and not be bothered.”

That insight into my character has stuck with me. And it’s never more true than when it comes to my procrastination strategies.

I love to know what’s going on in the world and with my “friends.” So, when I sit down to write the first thing I do is check these five websites: CNN, HuffingtonPost, Salon, NPR, and Facebook. Because, I have to know what’s going on in the world. And I need to know what my Facebook friends are doing. I just can’t miss out! And I need to be outraged. And I need to watch Jon Stewart and Daily Show, and, and, and …

Now, what’s not in there is the desire to sit down and check on what’s going on inside of me. What my inner client wants me to write these days. So, that’s my new anti-procrastination process. I just started it.

Instead of sitting down and looking at the websites, I sit down and write. It has to be for at least 15 minutes, then I click on the Chrome orb and off I go to my five websites.

So, that’s my anti-procrastination plan. I”m hoping that it will take me on a different route that bypasses the “house of ‘never’.”

Do you have anti-procrastination plan? Will you share it with me?

Happily writing – Georgie

Inner Client Not Inner Critic

“Say yes, and you’ll figure it out afterward” – Tina Fey

I had an epiphany the other day. It was time to stop listening to my inner critic and make an appointment with my inner client. What is an inner client you might ask? It’s the part of me that wants me to be creative and successful, and has a list of projects it wants me to complete. My inner client has lots of work for me to do.

It wants me to give in to all my wacky ideas, such as the one that came to me in a dream last night: “Pick Your Postman/woman.” This is my idea for a reality show where neighbors in a subdivision pick the postal deliverer they like best and set up trials for their particular messenger. The messenger who can complete most of the tasks wins. What do they win? Not sure yet. This idea is still in development. But one thing I can say is my “inner client” likes it.

So that’s how I picture my inner client. It’s my inner Jack Donaghy, my inner Liz Lemon, the voice that says “ go for it.” (Can you tell I’m a “30 Rock” fan?) It’s the voice that pushes me to audition for roles I think I have no shot at. The voice that wants me to write, despite all the inner critic’s warnings. The voice that says, “well maybe it’s not your best, but keep on trying kiddo. True failure is failure to try.”

And that’s the voice I’m having conference calls with every day when I do my morning pages. The voice that asks, “How’s it going baby? Whatcha got for me today?” My inner client sometimes looks like my first Improv teacher, Paul Killam, an incredibly talented improviser BATS who always encouraged my wacky ideas in class. Paul sometimes looks like my idea of a Hollywood agent, with a sardonic, toothy smile, and a suave manner. In other words, my inner client is way cool.

And as for my inner critic? Well, it says I should miss the meeting because the other fella is just going to yell at me for not being creative enough. And you know what I say to that? It may not be my best, but it’s better than nothing.

Happily writing for my inner client – Georgie

Stuff Happens

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. – Woody Allen

This is not the October I had planned. I was going to work more, work out more, and most importantly write more. But all that changed when my daughter was injured.

She slipped in the kitchen, hit her head, sustained a concussion. I had prepared a roast chicken. I must have spilled oil on the floor. I didn’t notice. Hours later, while getting herself water, my darling girl slipped. And so did my world. And so did my family’s.

There were parties planned, outings, dance classes, work, play, all the normal life stuff. All the stuff I had taken for granted would happen, because I had planned it. And now it wouldn’t. Now we lie low and let her head injury heal. I try not to blame myself for inattention. I try to learn patience. All these lessons that I don’t want to learn.

That’s why this quote appealed so much to me. I love to plan. I hate it when my plans go awry.

I’m not unique, I know that. I just want to be unique. I want to be special. I want what I want when I want it. I want my plans to work out. I want my dear daughter to be healthy and well. She’s being a trooper, going to doctor appointments, and resting as much as she can.

All I can do right now is be kind to myself, my daughter, and my husband during this time. I found an article that was helpful. I also loved “How to Be Kind to Yourself in a Busy World,” on the Tiny Buddha website. Both were great.

Practicing kindness is a plan that I can control. It’s a choice I can make. I choose to be kind. And I choose to keep writing.

Writing for Sanity – Georgie

Letting Go

“There is no inherent value in things. Things themselves are neutral, but we ascribe them false value. Things will never make you happy..” – Brooks Palmer, Clutter Busting

As the earth tilts and the days slowly grow shorter, I am gripped by the need to organize my piles of stuff. It’s time to let go. I’m finding that to be a very difficult task.

When I look at my piles of books or receipts, I manage to find a show on Netflix that I “must” watch. I just couldn’t get myself to even start the process. Where to start?

Then I found it. I found an amazing book that enabled me to start clearing my space and keep going. Now, I’m actually throwing things away, shredding old receipts, and giving away books. That’s always the hardest part for me. I always think eventually I will read that book. I have a lot of what I call “eventual books” on my bookcases.

The amazing book I found is titled “Clutter Busting, Letting Go of What’s Holding You Back.” I discovered it at a wonderful store in Point Reyes called Spirit Matters.

This  “Clutter Busting” tome has worked for me. It speaks to my fear of change, my belief that if I don’t keep everything, I’ll get in trouble. One of my nightmares is that someday, someone will ask me for paperwork that I just shredded. Even paperwork from 2003 must be kept.

But that’s changing. The first chapter is titled “You Are Sacred – Your Things Are Not.” That opened my eyes to the clutter that surrounded me. I was able to embrace that I am enough, just as I am. I don’t need half-burnt candles and half-read books.

I started putting things in plastic bags and taking them to the Goodwill. I even let go of a dress I bought five years ago. A dress that was too tight for me. But I was going to fit in that dress. It was going to give me goal, a push to lose the weight I needed.

Ha! In the world of Twelve-Step programs that kind of mental attitude is called “stinkin thinkin.” A dress that I’ll never fit into is not an incentive, it’s a punishment. Today, I let go of a dress that felt like a failure, that felt like I was punishing myself for not looking a certain way. Instead, by letting go I feel good about myself. That right now, I am enough. I have enough.

That’s a great feeling to go into Autumn with. The dark of winter is coming. It’s time to make space in my life for the next season. To make space in my life for self acceptance and love.

For clutter busting is making space for important things to come to me. Things that really matter, like more time for family, friends, and – dare I say it – writing!

Letting go has become my new best friend.

Happily Writing and Letting Go – Georgie

Pause

Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy. – Guillaume Apollinaire, French Poet

I am sitting in a Starbucks writing this blog. I”m taking a pause in my daily activity to drink my favorite beverage, coffee, and look around at my fellow human beings. I am taking a moment right here, right now, to pause. To remind myself how lucky I am to be able to pause. This break is a gift. I have the great privilege to take a break, take time to remember what makes me happy: my family, my friends, my creative path.

Time goes so quickly. My daughter is returning to school. My mother is fading from life. Tick, tick, tick … the reminders are there. My time is limited.

But right now, in this moment, I’m indulging in the pause, in the liminal space, in the threshold between what is now and what comes next.

For I can’t stop thinking of what comes next. For me, it is posting this blog post. 

What is it for you, my dear readers? What comes next for you? And how do you pause? Do you stare out the window, at a screen? No judgment, just curious.

So, if you wish to, please share with me your pauses. It’s fun to hear and learn from others.

Happily writing and enjoying the pause – Georgie

The Play’s The Thing

There is a tide in the affairs of men. Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune – William Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, Act 4, scene 3

As I write this, I’ve just finished my first weekend performing in the East Bay Shakespeare Company’s production of Hamlet at Concord’s Under the Sun Studios. I play Gertrude, Hamlet’s long-suffering mother. I owe this opportunity to two talented young actors who love Shakespeare: Sam Logan and Kevin Scofield. Kevin is playing Hamlet, that Everest of acting. While Sam is directing the production and plays my second husband Claudius.

I am so impressed with their dedication to this enterprise. It reminds me of what my coach Elka Vera wrote:

A pressure toward the grand keeps early-phase creators, potential path-changers and future trail-blazers from taking the first (and second and third) steps toward their dreams. If they can’t see the big picture (and it better be big if it’s to have any merit), then they invalidate their tiny little inklings and those soft-but-insistent inner urgings and circle back to indecision.

Sam and Kevin didn’t succumb to such pressure. They didn’t decide they had to be on Broadway before they put up their version of Hamlet. Instead they took the practical steps necessary to make their dream real. And because they did so, I get to live my dream.

I want to thank them by acknowledging the brains, brawn, and money they put behind this production. They are dedicated performers who instead of whining about a lack of opportunity, took the tide at the flood to see what will happen.

They started East Bay Shakespeare out of necessity. They wanted to perform Shakespeare but the company they had been performing with, Antioch Classical Theatre Company, closed due to funding woes. “As soon as I heard that ACTC was no more, I knew we had to start our own company,” Sam said.

They went door to door for funding and found an outdoor location for their first production, “A Midsummer’s Night Dream.” That production went up at Pittsburg’s Los Medanos College amphitheater in 2010.

After the run was over, Kevin and Sam kept coming back to the Shakespeare plays they’d always wanted to do. Kevin had completed his undergraduate degree in performance at S.F. State and wrote his own original play based on Hamlet. During that process he realized that “It resonated with my own life. Playing Hamlet is a process. It’s a test of determination, work ethic, and your will.”

It also struck a deep emotional chord for Kevin. “My own father has had health issues. To perform the Everest that is Hamlet with my father in the audience is a dream come true.”

While for Sam the opportunity to tell his version of Hamlet was too enticing to pass up. “Too often the play is a story of the rise and fall of a kingdom. In our production it is the rise and fall of two families. Hamlet sits in the middle of a tornado of backstabbing and heartbreak.”

That’s the focus that Sam hopes shines through the production.

And East Bay Shakespeare’s next production? Well, keep an eye out next summer for one of Shakespeare’s comedies.

Happily Writing and Acting – Georgie

Sacred Space

 

“Your sacred space is where you can find yourself over and over again.” – Joseph Campbell, American Mythologist

 I just returned from a weekend spiritual retreat taught by my wonderful teacher, Cybele. I don’t normally write in public forums about my Earth-based, feminist spirituality. But this weekend showed me how much I fear what I call “getting in to trouble.”

So, here goes. Despite the fear I feel that someone reading this either won’t like it or will think I’m an idiot, I’ve decided to write this post anyway.

There were five of us taking the plunge, including our intrepid teacher. We played with the energy of stones and crystals. We did sitting and walking meditations. We walked a beautiful labyrinth at sundown. We swam, talked, ate together, and during these three days, created our own community of spiritual women.

As I was slowly walking the labyrinth, I realized how quickly I speed through life. I walk as if someone was chasing me. In the labyrinth, at each turning point, I realized it was me. I was chasing myself. I want to slow down. To ponder, to wonder, to take the time to enjoy this life which is speeding by. As I walked the labyrinth, the knowledge that I was in sacred space filled me. I stopped in the center, and looking in my teacher’s eyes, I saw love and acceptance. I picked Smoky Quartz to be my companion for this year’s journey. A stone of grounding and meditation, I am wearing it to center myself as life flows around me.

Since this workshop, I am taking five minutes every morning and evening to stop, breathe, and look around. This is my version of creating sacred space. For to me, sacred space is the present, the now, my fingers on the keyboard.

If I attune myself to this, then the fear of “getting in to trouble” fades. The memories of bullying in grade school and high school fades. I am back in the present, in the now.

For this ability to center in myself and re-remember who I am, I thank my teacher Cybele, those wondrous women I shared this weekend with, and the Reclaiming Community. For that’s where this journey started many years ago.

But that’s another blog post for another time.

 May all beings be well and happy!

Happily writing – Georgie